By Richard and Vivian Crabbe
Scriptural Basis: Proverbs 18:24, 27:18
Characteristics of true friendship[1]
T. Getahun came up with the acronym ACCESS to describe the different aspects of good friendship.
A – Acquaintance
Find out about each other— background, family, likes and dislikes. We get to know each other by spending time together and keeping in touch regularly. If friends stop spending time together, they will definitely reduce the depth of their friendship.
C – Caring for each other
Give attention, listen to each other, and nurture your friendship. Many friendships begin to weaken when one person feels a lack of care. Caring is manure for the growth of friendship.
C – Commitment
The best part of friendship is to know that when all others give up on you, your friend will stand by you. Commitment involves perseverance and does not insist on complete reciprocity— “I’ve done this, so s/he must do that.”
E – Equality
Mutual esteem and respect are indispensable to friendship. Good friends give each other the freedom to grow and share equal responsibility in the relationship.
S – Sensitivity
What makes good friends is the feeling that the other person is sensitive to your needs and responds to them without being asked. Sensitivity requires careful observation, perception, support, understanding and closeness.
S – Sharing and Openness
Friendship requires shared thoughts, interests, plans, fears and joys. When a person suspects that a friend hides things from him/her, it undermines their friendship.
Practical steps in cultivating friendship in marriage
Plan activities to develop your friendship. Be intentional and persevere.
Make time to share something daily.
Show that you care.
Keep in touch with each other while you are away from each other, especially when you travel.
Discuss concerns; Agree on boundaries regarding opposite sex, use of time free time.
Watch undue possessiveness. Allow your spouse to have other friends. Being clingy can actually push the person away from you or pressure you into wrong behaviour such as threats and demands to cut off other friends.
Be committed to improve/strengthen the friendship.
Exercise
Which of the characteristics of friendship described above do you think your partner/spouse needs to improve to strengthen your love relationship? Which of them do you need to improve?
Write down 3-5 steps do you need to take to ensure this happens.
[1] From the book, How to Enjoy Your Marriage.