By Richard and Vivian Crabbe
John 15:13; Proverbs 3:3-4
Proverbs 3:3-4 New International Version (NIV):
Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. Then you will win favor and a good name in the sight of God and man.
John 15:13 New International Version (NIV):
Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.
Introduction. Why do we marry? When we choose someone, it means we consider them special enough to spend a lifetime together with them. Therefore, we have to ensure the person feels special. How do we do this?
- Show by taking time to get to know me. Treat me as a unique person, and do not lump me with the general perception of my gender. This will help you to understand who I really am. Find out about each other—background, family, likes and dislikes. We get to know each other by spending time together and keeping in touch regularly. If friends stop spending time together, they will definitely reduce the depth of their friendship. Genesis 1:31, NIV: “God saw all that he had made, and it was very good. And there was evening, and there was morning—the sixth day.” Psalm 139:14, NIV: “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”
- Show that you care about me by showing concern for every aspect of my life:
- Spiritually: Encourage me in my walk with Christ. Take actions to encourage my Christian growth? Reading/studying the Bible together; praying together.
- Physically: Care for my health and general wellbeing—follow up and check on me after I say I am unwell.
- Emotionally: Give attention—make time for each other; listen to each other, whether it is just a joke or something about how the day went at work or at the mall.
Nurture your friendship. Many friendships begin to weaken when one person feels a lack of care. Caring is fertilizer for the growth of friendship. Proverbs 27:18, ESV: “Whoever tends a fig tree will eat its fruit, and he who guards his master will be honored.”
- Show your commitment to our relationship. This means standing by me in good times and tough times. Let me see and feel that I can trust you to defend me be it to family, friends, or anyone else. Be willing to make sacrifices such as making the time to ensure that our relationship is a priority. What strengthens relationships is the feeling that the other person is sensitive to your needs and responds to them without being asked. Song of Songs 8:7 NIV says, “Many waters cannot quench love, nor can the floods drown it. If a man would give for love all the wealth of his house, it would be utterly despised.” Proverbs 3:3-4 (NIV): “Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. Then you will win favor and a good name in the sight of God and man.” John 15:13, NIV: “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.”
- Show respect for each other. This covers acknowledging my views on an issue, and the willingness to treat me as an equal partner. It is important to create the environment in our relationship for each of us to have a voice—to feel free to express their opinions and feelings. Ephesians 5:33, NKJV:
“Nevertheless, let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”
1 Peter 3:7, NIV: “Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.”
- Show that you want me to share in your life by sharing with me your thoughts, interests, plans, fears, and joys. When one partner suspects that the other hides things from them, it undermines the relationship. John 15:15, NKJV: “No longer do I call you servants, for a servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things that I heard from My Father I have made known to you.”
- Show that my heart is precious to you by being faithful and not using what I share with you against me later on. Show your love; let each other feel special. No wandering thoughts, no straying eyes; stay focused on me. Take divorce out of your vocabulary, and do not use it as a threat when things are not going your way. Proverbs 4:23, NKJV: “Keep your heart with all diligence,
For out of it spring the issues of life.” Colossians 3:19, NIV: “Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.” NKJV uses “bitter” in place of “harsh.”
- Show readiness to resolve conflicts and to forgive, rather than hold grudges and seek revenge.
Forgivenessis an essential ingredient for a healthy marriage. Husbands and wives are bound to disagree, but it is what each person does with the pain, frustration and resentment that truly counts. It is important to remember that Christ forgave us and that forgiving others for their grievances against us — especially a spouse — is essential. Ephesians 4:31-32, NIV: “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”
- Show your desire to continuously work together to improve the relationship: Learn more about marriage; prepare for it; practice the good things that we learn; actively court each other all through life. Philippians 3:12-14, NLT:
“I don’t mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection. But I press on to possess that perfection for which Christ Jesus first possessed me. 13 No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us.”
Conclusion. How can we do all that we have heard? Jesus said, “Humanly speaking, it is impossible. But with God, everything is possible” (Matthew 19:26, NLT). So, in the words of Proverbs 3:5-6: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take” (NLT).